I was on COWBOY EDDIE'S TV CIRCUS a lot when I was a kid because my brother Art was the cameraman at WISC-tv Channel 3 in Madison, WI. I'd be called in when they were short a kid. For my effort I would be given a loaf of Wonder Bread, an orange drink from McDonald?s and a little camera time. Those that know me as an adult might think that I would love it. They would be wrong. It was never fun.
The host, a ventriloquist named Howie Olsen was mean. I don't suppose his dream was to introduce public domain and cheaply produced cartoons to kids on a snack break from chores on the farm. He was frustrated and took it out on the kids.
Howie would grumble into the studio about two minutes before airtime. He'd pull Cowboy Eddie out of a trunk stashed under the stage making no effort to protect the kid?s illusion that Eddie was real. One time Mr. Olsen told me to shut up on the air because I was talking to one of the other kids instead of listening to his lame jokes about Popeye the Sailor Man.
The worst part was when they would ask the featured kids the Question of the Day. I was always a featured kid because my brother worked there. The question was always related to a sponsor. My parents were instructed to coach me with answers before I came in.
"What's your favorite bread Greg?"
"What's your favorite treat at McDonald's?"
The circus came to town and the question was, "What are you looking forward to when the Ringling Brothers come to the Madison Coliseum next week?"
I had been told to say, "I love the clowns!" which I did but it was a lie. I hated them. I still do for the most part. To me clowns celebrate the moronic. Any idiot knows there is confetti in the bucket, that all those guys aren't going to fit in the little car and that the wooden beam needs to go through the doorway lengthwise, not across.
I came by my hatred of clowns early.
The host, a ventriloquist named Howie Olsen was mean. I don't suppose his dream was to introduce public domain and cheaply produced cartoons to kids on a snack break from chores on the farm. He was frustrated and took it out on the kids.
Howie would grumble into the studio about two minutes before airtime. He'd pull Cowboy Eddie out of a trunk stashed under the stage making no effort to protect the kid?s illusion that Eddie was real. One time Mr. Olsen told me to shut up on the air because I was talking to one of the other kids instead of listening to his lame jokes about Popeye the Sailor Man.
The worst part was when they would ask the featured kids the Question of the Day. I was always a featured kid because my brother worked there. The question was always related to a sponsor. My parents were instructed to coach me with answers before I came in.
"What's your favorite bread Greg?"
"What's your favorite treat at McDonald's?"
The circus came to town and the question was, "What are you looking forward to when the Ringling Brothers come to the Madison Coliseum next week?"
I had been told to say, "I love the clowns!" which I did but it was a lie. I hated them. I still do for the most part. To me clowns celebrate the moronic. Any idiot knows there is confetti in the bucket, that all those guys aren't going to fit in the little car and that the wooden beam needs to go through the doorway lengthwise, not across.
I came by my hatred of clowns early.
When I was about three I had a dream that my parents were having my birthday party at a church right by our old house on Rutledge Street. A clown was there and he carried a huge knife. I thought he was going to cut the cake. Instead he chased me through the church, eventually catching me on the altar and holding me down. Before he plunged the knife into me he pulled off his mask. It was my father. I woke up screaming.
Irrational fears not withstanding, I told Howie Boozehound Olsen that I couldn't wait for the freaking clowns to get to Madison.
As usually happens when you're on TV, people you know tune in to watch. For my birthday that year I got lots of clown figurines, all of which were placed on the bookshelf in my room keeping silent, creepy vigil as I slept.
In the morning I would go into the kitchen for a breakfast that included toasted slices of my paycheck making me a literal breadwinner for my family. I remember being proud that I was helping feed everyone.
WISC-tv Channel 3 in Madison, WI recently celebrated its 50th Anniversary. Howie Olsen has passed away but they brought Cowboy Eddie back for one day. I happened to be home and tuned in. It was good to see him again.
I did not miss Howie.
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